Lock down cannot  stop the waves.  Nor Can COVID19.

A silent sunset.

                 
                             A silent sunset

I am being watched

Moving to the tune of the breeze 

Rhyming the downpour drops 

Sitting like a bandit tanned by the sun 

Reviving by watching the sun blur, 

While the tide doesn't sit tight for any one. 

Agog to see the dawn and get 

Dazzled by the snowfall. 

Resounding each snapshot of life. 

Resounding with euphoria. 

Remembering the recollections. 

Wild with minds that swallows euphoria. 

Oh! Everything I can see and hear is caught 

Still I entrance somebody in paradise watching me. 

Furthermore, I state he adores me however I am frightened of him as he is portrayed male.

Life looks wonderful from outside

An employment looks excellent, causes you to feel certain, progressions the general public glances at you. When you free it life sucks. You free the entirety of your companions who were there with you during your great occasions. Partners who were companions will be there for not exactly a fortification night. At that point the new excursion must be all alone. The Financiers who were running behind you to sell advances will presently be behind you to gather EMI's. The client has become a defaulter and now they can yell at you. Managers whom you go after positions will be enthusiastic about haggling as the ball is in their court. Who ever you have helped before by loaning cash or helping them to land positions will quit noting your calls. 

You can see and comprehend life of numerous individuals. You are currently in ground reality and should chop down costs, decrease shopping on garments, etc. This proceeds till you are back on rails. Regardless of whether you land another position you will set aside some effort to recuperate the situation. This is the time you understand the companions you have in Social Media are just virtual companions. In the event that you are fortunate you may a couple of who can help you here and there or possibly be accessible to talk with you or support you. 

Parcel of thoughts may go on through your psyche. Yet, you may wind up to the line where you expect cash to begin with. In the event that you have lost a rich employment after 40's getting another isn't simple. On the off chance that you are a youth it very well may be conceivable. Loosing occupations after 40's will again constrain you to proceed with your current way of life. Keeping up it in the wake of being in a rich position will be a titanic assignment. You should settle on your inner self. Others will come to think about things anyway you attempt to shroud it. Keeping a grin in your face and being sure would be exceptionally required and is an immense undertaking. Life should look lovely from outside however it pricks your heart.

Unexpected Change of my Marital Status.

The Global recession of 2008-2009 had its impact in India and my son Jyothi was also reflected by it.  He had to  had to relocate  to Ernakulam for a new job.  Darsana, my daughter in law, also got employed  at Ernakulam.  We both were at our new house at Vattapara, 15 kms away from Trivandrum City.  We moved out from  Kadakkal  our home town during 2010.  My husband had two heart attacks during 2009 and 2010.  Jyothi wanted us to stay closer to Trivandrum,  in a  place where in a emergency ambulance could come immediately.  We started living in the new place  and life moved on.  An Auyurveda Hospital, temple and a library was close to this house and hence we had no second thoghts to buy that house.   Jyothi would visit us once or twice a month when he came for official visits  to Trivandrum. Both of them together did visit us once in a quarter or as an when required.   

Jyothi and Darsana  visited us during August  2013 for three days. They bought a new  car. Both of them came  here for Onam, the Harvest festival of Kerala. We all had a great time.  We  made a great Ona Sadhya ( Feast during Onam) snapped photographs then went  to  Kadakkal  our home town.  We met my younger brothers and my  'Kochachan' (paternal uncle)   Sreedharan who was ill.  He was a nonagenarian and  was a Naatuvaidhyan (  Auyerveda Physician in Malayalam).  He was an extra ordinary personality. A jack of all trades.  He could do any mechanical job, well versed in Sanskrit, had profound knowledge about Upanishads ,Vedas, Music, Carpentry,medical science and so on.  He could disguise a kidney renal failure by looking at a person’s face. A personality with  a very beautiful handwriting too. He was a genius but not known to the world.

           On  27th Oct 2013 my younger brother calls me on the phone. He said " Kochachan " passed away.  He struggled a lot during his last days.  We  both go to Kadakkal which is 40 Kms away from our place.  We stay there overnight  at my brothers house.  We  came back the next day. The funeral rites were decided  to be done on 31^st Oct 2013.  Jyothi was at Delhi and could not  turn up  for the funeral. He  was at  Delhi for an official assignment and would be back on 29th Oct.  He asked if both of us had all medicines along with us.  Jyothi's was very apprehensive about his father's health as he had two Heart Attacks.

   

      We came back after the funeral and  everything was as usual.  It was a Wednesday, 30th Oct 2013.  Next day was my uncle' Funeral Rites.  Usually its done after 5 days of death.   Jyothi's father didn't  write his diary after 27th Oct.  Some days he skips it.  Unusually I felt like reading his diary.    I did  it for the first time in life along with him that day. This was what he scribbled at last.  " We need to go to Kadakkal on Thursday. Need to perform the funeral rites for the great man who was a genius and a chronic bachelor.  Need to plant a coconut tree in his grave.   Need to go to Papanasam and immerse his remains.  Hence a Life ends "  .  

He spoke  with  Darsana on the phone for about half an hour on 30th October at around 8 PM.  They talked  lot of things. They spoke for a long time.   Jyothi spoke to  him during his lunch hours from his office.   He  could not speak much as he was held up in a training session.  He was a Training Head for a  Dimensional Media Company.  He had the role of transforming the  organisation to digital. 

      Next day we woke up early at 4:30 AM as the function was between 7:30 AM and 8:00 AM.    Jyothi's father made hot water for both of us to bath.  He boiled drinking water in a large pot.  Both of us use boiled water for  drinking.  I was wondering why do we need a large pot of water to be boiled  as we are not going to be in the house.  He helped me to make a quick breakfast.  The time was close to 4:45  AM.  I had a shower then he took his turn to bath.  After bathing he had his regular morning prayer.  I dressed up  in a cotton saree and was getting ready to move.  I opened my Sindoor box and was going to apply Sindoor ( Kumkum)  on my forehead where  my hair parts.  (Applying Sindhoor in the Indian tradition   indicates a woman is married and usually she wears it till widowhood.)  Suddenly I feel something unusual.

      I left the Sindhoor box open on the table  near the phone and moved to the drawing room.  I see my man collapsed towards the sofa set, near by the altar.  I  grab him and start pumping on his chest and try to give a CPR in the way I know it.  I have seen Doctors doing it ,when I was at Bhutan  as a teacher, during first aid sessions to students,  as well as in  TV shows.  I tried to pump his chest to make sure the hear is still beating. I was crying and  yelled  for help.  Suddenly Rajesh a boy in our neighborhood jumped our compound wall and barged in.  We had more people rushing in as my cry was so loud enough to wake the neighbors  early in the  morning.   Rajesh, Mohan  and  other neighbours took charge of scene.  Some one called 108 the Kerala Emergency Medical Project Team and guided them the fastest route.  Mohan and Rajesh  was checking his pulse but did not mention anything to me.  Rajesh tries to give water to my husband.  He drank a sip of water,  says Rajesh.  I tried to close his eyes.  Meanwhile I try to call Jyothi who is  at Ernakulam which is 200 kilometers away.  I call him multiple times and finally he responds the call. He was in sound sleep.  I said with a trembling voice “Achan ( Father)  has collapsed during his morning prayer. Please come immediately”.  I told him we have intimated 108 and they would arrive shortly.  I asked him which hospital should we take?   He said , move to any hospital based on the 108 teams advice.  He told,  Achan's  life is in their hands and lets trust them.  They both agreed to  start immediately. 

Within no time the 108 emergency Medical team arrived. By that time the entire neighbors were there.  The team  rushed in with a Heart Revival Machine and ECG device and get into action.  They try to revive his heart . They were trying their best but the ECG graph remained straight.  I could understand things are  moving in the odd direction.  I became standstill, unable to utter anything. I went near the phone to speak with Jyothi once again.  With trembling hands I try to pick the receiver. I am unable to  dial his number.  I see the Sindhoor box  which I left open near the phone. I close it. Its of no use to me henceforth.  My 39 years of married life is history. The  last line in his diary, "Hence a Life ends "  became a reality.  God might have liked him so much and summoned him straight away after his morning prayers.

Should gadgets control our Children?

 Information Technology  has taken us to new heights.  It has revived our old friends, helped us  fetch new jobs, enhance  learning, keep updated and so on.  But have we thought how this impacts our children.  We give them devices and relax ourselves.  Technology has changed a lot and  we are forced to be dependent on it. We engage  our young ones to use it.   Too much to learn for children in the curriculum and less time to play. They hardly get time to look beyond  the books and get glued  to electronic devices at a tender age.  Lullaby songs, Aps, Games  are available in Smart Phones or other devices.   The child falls in love with it in no time.  This is a vent  for the parent who is indulged in his  modern work schedule. Parents claim their  child is brilliant and can unlock my android phone  and operate You Tube at the age of 3.  Children get fascinated to devices as  parents find less time to spend with them.  Incase the parents spent time the kids, they see their peers at  school and  the neighborhood  with devices and  pester their parents get one for them.  Cartoon channels steal the show in the house where there are kids.  They make the kid focused to it. Kids eat food while watching cartoons.  Their mind is captivated by the cartoon characters.   Fast Moving Consumer Goods (FMCG) companies use this prime time to advertise chocolates and other  junk  processed food.  This educates the kid  about all processed food available in the market.  They are advertised  to capture minds of young kids.  All processed food brands are known to kids and they force parents to buy it for them. This remains a reality in urban and rural areas.  

Parents are in a spotlight syndrome, trying to get their kids one step ahead of the ones in the neighborhood.  Hectic routine of parents force kids into technology which drives a big psychological hazard.  A smart phone with kids may provide entertainment and a temporary relief to parents. The affection of the kids  towards the parents gets affected.  They get attracted to the characters in the Aps or TV Channel. Parents who are stressed out find it easy to hand a phone to young ones with aps while they can relax.  This hampers the child's psychology. " Pokemon, Spiderman" and all other comic characters have replaced old grandma's tales.  Adults have paved ways for little ones to interpret these characters. 

When the child grows up he is not exposed to outdoor games. Games  played by older generation  are now played with hand held devices.   Parents want their  children to get educated in the best school.  Here  s/he is pressurized in a small age.  Junk food, modern life style, lack of physical exercise and less attention from parents leads to anger, impatience, obesity, eye sight problems and other psychological disorders.  The choice is left to us, to retain or  keep away  electronic devices from our dear ones.  You might find it hard but its the need of the hour.

Bangalore Days begin with Love

 It was another rainy morning.  My cellphone rings. I pick the call. Its Jyothi, my son. He says" Amma, you need to come to Bangalore and stay with me."  The maid who  looks after  Ganesh is  young and inexperienced.  She cannot handle things alone and your presence is required.   If I don't go either my son Jyothi or Darsana, my daughter in law, will have to  quit their job to look after the baby.  At 74  am I prepared to travel  to Bangalore?   Calls started flowing from Darsana as well as her mother who is at Bangalore for the time being.  All voices requested the same.

           Can I adjust the weather, dust and  chilled mornings of Bangalore? Will Darsana like my simple and traditional  ways of living and my old thoughts?  She requires me at this time. Will she loose her comfort zone during my presence or visa versa?  Lots of questions floating around my mind.  My mind became standstill  to answer a firm Yes or No.  Its pretty long time since I have  seen  Ganesh,  my grandson.  I haven't e seen their new apartment  either.  Finally  I decide to go to Bangalore .   I was a bit  apprehensive about a long journey.  Hence Jyothi suggested an air journey.  I politely denied it as I am not used to it. Don't want to take an adventure at  this Septuagenarian era.

 Monsoon has been prevailing here.  This time its the  worst  in Kerala and especially the northern parts of the state.  My place is not much affected. The highest rainfall was recorded this year after a decade.  I wanted to carry many things including some vegetables  grown around our house along with me to Bangalore. Jyothi doesn't like much luggage while travelling so I  thought to wait for his consent.  Jyothi called me again and says he would come any moment to take me along with him and asked me to be prepared.    He works with the Socio  Economic Developmental Sector  and has recently changed his job.   Still my  mind  murmured , "think twice, "You might get embarrassed in a Catch 22 situation".   I decide to go forward.  I  come to know Jyothi will reach on 15^th Aug 2018.   We need to travel  on the same day.  I requested him not to book a flight as I am not used to it.  He  agreed to it.  Finally he calls me the next day and says he is coming by bus and is starting late night from Bangalore.  I was expecting him by morning.    Rain was pouring down and low lying areas  getting flooded.   Jyothi calls me in the morning and says he has reached only Tirunelveli by now and would be late.  Rough weather delayed his journey and reached Trivandrum by 1:30 PM.    He hired a taxi from the city and came home.  We had almost  an hours time.  Packed everything  and was was all set to move. 

We started our journey after I had requested Geetha our neighbour  to look after my house during my absence.  I had asked Geetha to take our Brinjals as well as the plantains during Onam festival.  We started our journey after consuming an  Avomin Tablet  which Jyothi brought.  The tablet is to prevent vomiting.  That didn’t help me as the tablet was administered right after lunch and the journey started very soon.  I had a bad time in the car.   I hate journeys in cars as I do puke while travelling on roads.  It was raining heavily and we reached the Kochuveli railway station.   Jyothi called a porter to help us load our luggage in the train.  Normally Jyothi does this task on on his own.  He has just recovered from a  fragmented left wrist, hence he opted for a porter.

       
             Jyothi went and got a tea for me.  This hot drink energized me as I sipped it .  He then encircled his arms around my  shoulders  and assisted  me across the foot over bridge.  The over bridge  was looking like heights of ecstasy.  During my young ages I could  cross it easily.   I remembered my those days when we crossed  rail foot over bridges at Kolkatta, Chennai  and many places when I worked along with my husband  at Bhutan.  Jyothi was a small boy then and  I would  hold him firm while walking in busy railway stations of Kolkatta and Chennai.  Time has changed and now  time for him to hold me.  It was long time since I have walked together with my son.    He had booked an air conditioned  berth that was scary  to me.  Perhaps he had no other option due to last minute booking and  rush of people moving to Bangalore.  The journey started. Darsana had insisted me to carry woolen clothing, a shawl and a pair of socks to face the wintry feel of the air conditioned coach.

          Jyothi was very hungry and  badly wanted to eat.   I had two packets  of food cooked at home wrapped  in plantain leaves.    I came to know that he was having his breakfast at 5  PM  in the evening.   He said that he may require more food a little later .  The woolen linen made me  warm and slowly started getting accustomed to  the air conditioned atmosphere. I kept  my legs kept comfortably, looking out of the window.  He was sitting opposite to me speaking to me.  It was a long time since I have spoken to him so long.  He convinced me that the weather is good at Bangalore and is not raining unlike Kerala. Blankets were given in the train and things looked good.  The night passed on.   Many people were trying to reach my cell phone, I did not bother to pick up as the phone was inside a bag that was underneath the seat. Jyothi was tired and he  crashed off to a sound sleep.   It was dawn and then we the train stopped at Dharmapuri, a small town bordering Tamil Nadu and  Karnataka.  The tea vendor comes inside saying  chai, chai,"   Jyothi woke up brought  breakfast and Tea.  He had a heavy breakfast as he did not eat well the  previous day.  I however managed with biscuits, a slice of bread  and warm tea.

              My brothers were desperately trying to reach Jyothi on his cell as I didn't answer calls the previous night.  He called and messaged everyone and informed that we are safe.  Passengers around us told that Cochin Airport has been closed as flood waters hit the runway.  Rail traffic is suspended from Kerala since yesterday night.  Many roads were closed.  The  train  we traveled was the last rake to move out of Ernakulam Jn.  The Mullaperiyar dam and other 35 other dam shutters across the state were opened.  Water was gushing out and rivers  overflowed to near by towns  and other habitations.  Many roads and buildings drenched and washed away.  News was being watched by passengers on their phones.  We were lucky enough to cross this area.  Fortunately as both of us slept well we did not know anything at night. Else it would have been a nightmare for us too.

           We were nearing Bangalore. The train was late for an  hours time. Jyothi started moving our luggage to the door. We decided to alight at Banaswadi,  a suburban station of Bangalore.  I moved along with him with a small bag of medicines.  He insisted me not to carry anything.  The platform was on the left side hence we moved to the next compartment as the AC attendant was folding all used blankets near the door.  Jyothi asked me to stand near the inner door that led to  the disabled compartment.  He moved to pick other luggage.  Unknowingly  I leaned to the inlet  that faced  the disabled compartment.  Someone suddenly tried to open that door from inside and suddenly I lost my balance.  Fortunately there was a lady and her daughter who encircled her hands across me  to prevent me from falling on  the floor.   She was from France.  She encircled me close to her chest  like a daughter.  Her daughter was  along with her and she gently started massaging my palms giving me warmth.  I broke up in tears and they consoled me.  I felt I had a daughter and a grand daughter at that time.  

           The train stopped at Bansaswadi. The lady and her family helped us to disembark the train along with our luggage.  They left  us after hugging me and shaking hands with both of us.  I expressed my gratitude  to this family who helped me and emotionally consoled me.

                    Reaching  Jyothi’s home  at Bangalore, meandering the  traffic, was a annoying experience. It took more than an hour to travel six  kilometers.  Stepping into the new apartment  Ganesh, my two year old grandson was exited to see me.  He brought me a toy and  Darsana  said this is "Achamma".  He called me Achamma very passionately.  I hugged Ganeshu and could feel  his unstained love.  Bangalore days begin with love.